Stupid swoopy-roofed BMWs, ranked

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 03/06/2014 at 12:15 • Filed to: None

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With today's !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! being added to BMW's ever-growing (and frequently bitched about) lineup, I thought it would be good to give a refresher of all of BMW's hatchbacktified vehicles, ranked from best to worst.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

1. 4-series GC

2. 3-series GT

3. X4

4. X6

5. 5-series GT

I seriously considered making the X6 and 5GT a tie for last place, but the 5GT slightly "wins" because of just how ugly it is.

Jay Lauer > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:17

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They're all last place.

The system wasn't broke, why try to fix it, BMW?

anonsagainstanonymous > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:17

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For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:19

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Rewrite with 6-series GC as #1 or ban.

Nibby > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:20

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The ONLY one that looks even remotely decent is the 4 GC. The rest look like the result of a necrophiliac, a corpse, and poop.

RazoE > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:20

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#1 forever. I freakin' love this.

This should be #0.

spanfucker retire bitch > For Sweden 03/06/2014 at 12:20

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Either 1 or 2, but its definitely better than anything else on the this list with the possible exception of the 4-series GC.

feather-throttle-not-hair > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:22

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Ok, wait what? 3 series GT and 4 series GC. Why? Why BMW? Why do you need both of these cars? It's like you made one purely so you could point to the other one and say "See, look. This one is better looking" And then probably charge more for it.

Textured Soy Protein > For Sweden 03/06/2014 at 12:23

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It's not a hatchback so doesn't qualify for this list.

Kate's Dirty Sister > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:23

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Well, I'm a big a fan the the 5GT, this thing is just amazing when properly optioned.

Of course the darker the color, the better it looks, because big ass. Otherwise it is awesome.

Textured Soy Protein > RazoE 03/06/2014 at 12:24

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It's not a hatchback, doesn't qualify.

RazoE > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:24

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Yes it does. YES IT DOES!!!!

(didn't read that part, sorry..:D )

Party-vi > For Sweden 03/06/2014 at 12:24

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Party-vi to For Sweden: In position for nuke from space.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:30

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OK, no really, seriously, what's the difference between the 3 GT and the 4 GC?

CKeffer > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 12:33

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Honestly, the only ones I dislike are # 3 & 4. I actually like the rest of them.

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 13:09

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I'd never take any of those over a 3-series wagon.

Textured Soy Protein > Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken 03/06/2014 at 13:52

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4 GC is a 3-series sedan with a lower roofline and a hatchback.

3 GT is a China-only 3-series long-wheelbase sedan with a taller roofline and a hatchback.

Textured Soy Protein > feather-throttle-not-hair 03/06/2014 at 13:54

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Compared to the regular 3-series sedan,

4 GC = same wheelbase, lower roofline, hatch

3 GT = longer wheelbase, higher roofline, hatch

Textured Soy Protein > Saracen 03/06/2014 at 14:03

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Here in the USA the 3 wagon only comes as a 328i xDrive. The 4 GC can be had as a rwd 435i.

feather-throttle-not-hair > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 14:09

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Ahh, i see. Informative, but I prefer my version.

Compared to the regular 3-series sedan,

4 GC = dumb

3 GT = dumb

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 03/06/2014 at 14:23

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I'm in the USA too.

I'll still take the wagon and its additional practicality (and diesel engine) over the 4GC.

WhereAreMyPants > feather-throttle-not-hair 03/06/2014 at 16:21

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You're wrong, though.

I was with you until we saw a 3GT in the flesh, while the significant other was shopping for a 3 Wagon. We damn near drove the 3GT home. It's incredibly roomy in the back (double the legroom of the wagon), and still has a ton of cargo space in the back, without feeling like a soccer-mom vehicle. I'd honestly take one over a low/mid spec 5, right now as an exec cruiser.

WhereAreMyPants > Saracen 03/06/2014 at 16:24

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Truth.

We're in the market for a mid-size family hauler, at the moment, and it's down to the 328d xdrive, or a V60. The 3GT was very, very tempting, though. It's much less hideous in person, and the back is absolutely cavernous. The wagon wins, though, simply because it's a hell of a lot more manageable to park in the city, and it has a ton of convenience, load-management gadgets that the GT doesn't.

terrencel > Textured Soy Protein 03/09/2014 at 19:01

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My mind is full of fuck over this stuff.

Fed(oo=[][]=oo)uken > feather-throttle-not-hair 03/17/2014 at 18:39

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EXACTLY.